"Courtship Proper"

The Courtship Proper

1. During the courtship, time spent together by the courting couple is supervised by the parents, particularly the father, of the young lady. This provides ample opportunity for wise counsel and guidance, and prevents any regrettable actions from taking place (you know what I mean). Date rape, STD/VD's and destructive, intimacy-damaging behavior(as mentioned here) is stopped cold.

2. The open nature of courtship is designed to encourage interaction between the suitor and the whole family of the prospective bride, encouraging friendships with the whole family. The rest of the family, including younger siblings, are given an opportunity to interact with the suitor and offer advice and feedback.

NOTE: Obviously, courtship encourages and to some degree demands a healthy family. The adult supervision is not meant to be overbearing (something is unhealthy about the family if the young lady is rebellious in the first place!), but rather loving. If the young lady is rebellious, that ought to be a red flag to the suitor and his parents that she would be a poor wife. Remember the commandment: Honor [and obey] thy parents?

3. Parental supervision does not mean the parents have to stick tenaciously within arms' reach of their daughter whenever her suitor is visiting! While complete privacy should be strictly avoided, the couple should be able to speak privately when they wish, for example, in another room with the door open. The parents should always be around, but not intrusive if they need a little private space. Avoid both extremes. (Hint: if the couple really want to be alone just so they can talk, they can always use the telephone.)

4. The father should continue to work with the suitor, helping him develop character and testing him where needed. Likewise the mother of the suitor may interact with the young lady and develop a friendship with her. It is perfectly permissible for either set of parents to slow down or delay the courtship process to address and resolve any concern that arise, before or at any points during the process. The suitors should treat these decisions with respect for their parents rather than selfish rebelliousness.

5. Activities during courtship should be family-oriented, as opposed to focusing on the courting couple. The couple should get ample opportunity to see one another interacting within a family setting. Is the young man willing to sweat and get blisters and put in a hard day's work on some project with her dad, without whining? Does she mind cooking and cleaning and keeping a neat household?

NOTE: Another advantage to courtship over dating is the more "real-world" nature of courtship. Since couples see one another in "normal" family settings they gain a better idea of how they will act in a marriage. By contrast, dating specifically emphasizes going out and doing "unusual" activities (like seeing movies, going to nice restaurants, special events and celebrations, etc.) that give an artificial idea of how people will really behave on a day-to-day basis. People also tend to "put on their best behavior" while on dates, which also gives rise to misconceptions about their true nature.

6. The developing relationship should be evaluated in light of Scriptural principles; for example:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body..